The Return of the Ex

Ex can be a strong word and even so, Xing a strong action. When you X someone out of your life or X a person from a role that they once held in your life, it is usually done with a justified purpose. When one speaks of an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend one may imagine a huge red X painted on their face! An ex is an ex for a reason. They no longer hold that special place in your life and that special place in your heart. All love and other feelings for them are supposedly gone and their person will never again be a part of your life, your soul, your heart.

However, somehow, and sometimes, an ex isn't totally X'd from your life. When that ex pops up out of nowhere and says, "Hello, remember me?!" that red X on their face no longer holds any purpose or barriers. Past feelings of love (and anger) do come back. You begin to remember the good and loving times and they can trump your angry feelings. That is unless your ex was a dirty ass of a dog who deserves a bad case of herpes! However, those warm and fuzzy feelings spring up when he or she looks into your eyes. You can tell that by the way they are looking at you that they are experiencing the same feelings.

My story begins when my ex, lets call him Mr. Ex. calls me. We chatted for a bit, laughed and so forth. Then I felt like I just had to see him immediately. He agreed to come over to my house and enjoy a cup of coffee (he always enjoyed drinking coffee at night) and to catch up. There we were, four years after we broke up, in my kitchen for nearly four hours, finally expressing our thoughts and feelings. I won't go into too much detail about our meeting, but to sum it up we both admitted how young and stupid were both were, how badly we treated each other and cleared up any misunderstandings between us both. It was lovely. It truly felt like an adult conversation. But the most significant moment was that I could tell that he still loved me. He admitted to me that he still had in his possession a card that I had given to him which I wrote a long text expressing my love for him. He still looks at it from time to time. Usually when you break up with someone you throw everything that reminds you of your ex in the X trash bin and light a fire! lol. Does he regret our failed loved? I think so. Do I regret our failed love? It is only natural to regret anything that has failed when so much effort was put into it. Does he still love me? I think so. Do I still love him? I love him as a friend, but no more than that.

You can still love your ex, but one must remember that love is never enough and an ex is X'd for a reason, no matter how much it hurts to do so.

If he had asked me to be with him again and give it another try (in this case it would have been our third try) I would have refused. Love is never enough.