Friday Night

It never fails does it? Home again on a Friday night. Friends are either out or asleep or broke. I have no boyfriend to go out with or to hang out with at his place. That would be nice...chilling with a boyfriend on the couch, watching a movie with a few beers. Being bored with your boyfriend is better than being bored alone. Besides I'm sure there are plenty of things a boyfriend and a girlfriend can do together...then they wouldn't be so bored after all! LOL

I'm not even sad about my sad state anymore. I'm used to it. I'll just go read a book that way I'm doing something worth my time instead of wasting away in self pity.

What do you feel when you stare into the picture of the people you've dated?

Okay, so I've been facebook stalking again. lol I got bored a guess. While I was stalking I took a long look at someone I had previously dated. What were my feelings you ask? It as a mix of feelings. Embarrassment. Pity, for myself and for him. Disappointment. Then I began to ask, "What happened? What did I do? How did I ruin it?" At first I laid all the blame on me. Then I asked, "Were you ever sincere? Did all you want was ass? Did you know from the start that you were going to get a way out? Where you using me? Did it feel good, using me?" I laid the blame on him and saw him as an evil human being. How can one use and abuse others? How can people treat other people like that? How do they live? How do they go on to love other people and at the same time be loved by other people? When I think about this I then feel stupid for associating myself with such a person.

As I was stalking away I realized something...I can't let go of the past. I keep on going back and reminiscing about my past daters/loves. I seriously need to move on. They've had no thought for me, so why should I give up one more second of my life thinking of them?

I'm breaking up with Pizza :'(

Dear Pizza,

What we had was real good. We had nothing but good times together. When my taste buds call out to you my heart does not deny my fierce desire to pick up that phone and have you over my house. As you make your way towards my place in your chariot I call a red 1999 Toyota, my heart races with joy and my every heartbeat calls out your name, "Pizza! Pizza! Oh Pizza!" When you are finally in my arms I handle you with such delicate care as I place you on my table. I feel your burning desire radiating as I caress your box. As I gently open your box, your scent releases into the air and I sigh in great relief and pleasure. When I look upon your hot self I like what I see; chicken, tomatoes, feta cheese and green olives. As soon as you are revealed to me I can no longer hold myself back. I MUST HAVE YOU! Every bite that I take into you my whole body shivers with great pleasure and a tear of joy rolls down my right cheek. Oh my, you are soooo cheesy! I love cheese and lots of it! When we're done having our special moment, you've made me the happiest person in the world. No one can take the feeling away from me.

I'm sorry...but it has to end. It has to end before I turn into a whale! I know that you'll love me forever and my feelings for you are eternal as true love should be. BUT YOU'RE MAKING ME FAT! I know that you do not have the intention of making me unhappy, but me being fat is definitely not making me happy...and trust me, you want me happy.

So goodbye my heart, my love, my soul, my life, my reason for living. I am sure that our paths will meet again someday...when I'm a size 7.

Love,

Your slave

Hob...

Before my first kiss, before my first boyfriend, and on my 18th birthday I had something engraved into my flesh...something that would bring me much heartache, suffering and finally a great sense of defeat...Hob 'Love' in Arabic, was tattooed on my lower back. There I was finally 18, believing in love and believing in my future love. The very word brought up warm feelings. But slowly and surely it brought feelings of despair. So while on a trip to Chile, when I was 24, that's six years later, I had it covered with a bear claw. I detested the word so much that I would cover it with something that symbolizes something else. The bear, a strong, powerful and prideful beast...a symbolic strong figure hiding my old 'Love' tattoo...not so strong, not so powerful and definitely not a beast. More like a innocent lamb for the slaughter. Shredded and torn to pieces and bled to near death. But when I touch my lower back, I can still feel the outline of 'Love' upon my flesh...poor little lamb isn't dead yet. I still feel and I still love and I still want to be loved.

My top five list as to why Hob is missing from my life:

1-I'm fat

2-Unattractive

3-...I have a feeling I might be a little annoying...

4-I'm not at all funny or have anything interesting or witty to say...I'm boring

5-Because I've given up :(

I know, I know...but its not like I have self esteem issues. I'm damn smart! I know my shit and if I don't, well I can wing it!I am confident in what I do and when I want something, other than love, I go get it. I have a plan! I have a successful future. I dress well, I do my hair and nails and I'm wicked at makeup application!

But here I am, sitting on my bed and full of love to give. It's all bottled up and it exits my body via my eyes...my tears. Excepting my reality and moving onwards onto that road we call life. But that damn red and heart shaped traffic light will signal me to stop again in life, I am sure of it. I will experience more heartbreak and when that light turns green I will do what is most normal to me, move onwards. Ha! I should purchase an express pass and save myself the trouble of stopping.

Facebook Stalker!!

Come on, you know you have done it a million times. Admit it! You are a Facebook Stalker! The Urban Dictionary states this:

facebook stalker

108 up, 12 down

buy facebook stalker mugs, tshirts and magnets a person who spends large amounts of time on facebook looking at other people's profiles. often browsing photos, walls (or wall-to-walls), groups, or recent activity posted on the stalked person's mini-feed. "you are such a facebook stalker!" "i found out that sarah joined a group when i was facebook stalking her last night." "mikey is so hot, i think i'm gonna spend most of the night facebook stalking him looking at his pics." "did you see emily and jenny's wall-to-wall? they were totally talking about you behind your back!" facebook stalker stalk creeper creepy

Bahaha, you see that! We are creepers! Why do we do it? Why are we so obsessed with our friends, our enemies, ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends, and that person you you want so bad but you are too chicken shit to admit your feelings to them for fear of rejection? OH WHY YOU CRUEL WORLD?! I will tell you why. Because we have nothing better to do, but obsess about how great your friend's life is, how ugly your enemy looks in their profile picture, to see if your ex is still single and ponder 'what if we could have worked out?' or to see if that person you like likes anyone else or has recently updated their status to 'in a relationship' or even worse 'engaged.'

Instead of stalking someone's else's life, we should click that logout button in the far right top corner and concentrate on our own lives, our own drama and our own shit. Sure, I have stalked those I have dated and those whom I liked and still do like. But the time has come to put away my Facebook Stalker suit and spend my time on more important things...like my Arabic.

p.s.

You might wanna make sure you look good or even better, HOT, in your profile picture...just in case you are a victim of Facebook Stalking.

My Solution!

Have you ever thought, "Hey, I live in the best place in the world, TORONTO! There's so much to do here!" But really, you are just so darn bored all the time! Why is that? It is because we do the same things over and over and over and over and over again. Same cafes, same clubs, same spas, etc. That's probably why we are still single, our networking is slow or the great experiences we are supposed to be having are not coming to us. So I have a solution! Stop going to those same boring places! Go somewhere else like I did! Go to Center Island! lol My friend Sousou and I ventured out there today and found a quite place with a wicked view of the city and threw a blanket upon the ground. Upon this blanket layed fruits, nutella sandwiches, spicy tuna, cookies and diet coke! We read very interesting materials and chatted the afternoon away. It was so very great! Why? Because it was something new.

The funniest part of our day: I was reading a "hot and heavy" passage from cosmo magazine. Trust me, it was VERY hot, hehe. I was so into reading to her I totally did not notice the man standing behind us taking a photo of his wife, staring at us with a huge smirk on his face! loool I was so embarrassed. When I stopped, he said with his perverted smirk glued to his face, "Go on, keep reading!" lol oh so funny. Most definitely not a boring day!

Back from Jordan and getting bored

Well folks the light in your life is back! I just spent six long weeks in Madaba, Jordan on an archaeological dig. It was part of a summer abroad program through my university. Myself and twenty-nine other supervisors and students slaved five days a week, from 5:30am until 1:00pm on top of a hill or tell, digging and plowing through intolerable earth, smashing massive rocks, battling evil bugs and getting darker all for two reasons; one, to earn a full year university credit and two, playing Indiana Jones and discovering ancient artifacts. It was a once in a lifetime experience. For some this experience will come again. However for others, like myself, it will not come again...I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT! Archaeology is not for me. It is very hard and dirty work. I most certainly respect and highly admire archaeologists, however its something I would not look forward to. A museum career is what I look forward to. It is very clean!

Now that I am back home, and recovering from jet lag, I slowly find myself unmotivated to do anything. My Arabic sucks (something I found out in Jordan) and I would like to read up on subjects regarding Arabic, Islamic art, Egyptian Art, The Prince, Herodotus, etc. But the T.V. has seduced me and I cannot escape! So I slowly find myself getting bored...T.V. is boring...it is a waste of time, unless it is a documentary. Bah! Well, it is 8pm and its too late for me to really get started on anything. So I have about another three/four hours of nothing to do...except twiddle my thumbs in front of the T.V. in boredom.