Happy New Year!

Chinese, Persian, whatever new year it is, a new year means a new beginning to many people! In my opinion Chinese New Year is the best because you get money! Pft, North American New Year doesn't give squat, except maybe a bad hang over! lol

Ah yes, New Year's resolution....what's yours? Lose weight? Forget it honey you'll give that up in about a month! Yes that chocolate bar is calling your name! You'll keep your room clean? Yeah right, you'll break that when you come home from whatever New Year's party you just came from and drunkenly throw your clothes on your bedroom floor! lol

There are a lot of things I would like to do. I would like to master Arabic, lose weight and get into grad school. But you know what...I'm not making any resolutions this year. I'm just going to carry on whatever it is I'm doing. I'm going to continue being a pervert and fantasize about hot TTC workers (come on I'm not the only one who's noticed the recent rise in gorgeous TTC workers), I'm going to continue smoking my shisha (hey, I just might be adventurous and try apple and mint, rather than my regular mint *gasp*), I'm going to continue to stand up for myself (and I'm sorry if I come across as a bitch while doing so, but hey, that's your problem not mine sucka!), work hard, dance, eat, listen to music and enjoy my friends. Hmmmmm, well this looks like its turning into a New Year's resolution...here it is I guess: like life which flows in and out of the good and the bad, I too shall flow with life and try to take it in strides and do the best that I can, because life is tough!

Happy New Year everyone and may Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Shiva, Yaweh, Zeus, Hathor, Baal, Kemosh, Thor or the Spaghetti Monster bless you with good health, wealth and happiness! XOXO!

The Return of the Ex

Ex can be a strong word and even so, Xing a strong action. When you X someone out of your life or X a person from a role that they once held in your life, it is usually done with a justified purpose. When one speaks of an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend one may imagine a huge red X painted on their face! An ex is an ex for a reason. They no longer hold that special place in your life and that special place in your heart. All love and other feelings for them are supposedly gone and their person will never again be a part of your life, your soul, your heart.

However, somehow, and sometimes, an ex isn't totally X'd from your life. When that ex pops up out of nowhere and says, "Hello, remember me?!" that red X on their face no longer holds any purpose or barriers. Past feelings of love (and anger) do come back. You begin to remember the good and loving times and they can trump your angry feelings. That is unless your ex was a dirty ass of a dog who deserves a bad case of herpes! However, those warm and fuzzy feelings spring up when he or she looks into your eyes. You can tell that by the way they are looking at you that they are experiencing the same feelings.

My story begins when my ex, lets call him Mr. Ex. calls me. We chatted for a bit, laughed and so forth. Then I felt like I just had to see him immediately. He agreed to come over to my house and enjoy a cup of coffee (he always enjoyed drinking coffee at night) and to catch up. There we were, four years after we broke up, in my kitchen for nearly four hours, finally expressing our thoughts and feelings. I won't go into too much detail about our meeting, but to sum it up we both admitted how young and stupid were both were, how badly we treated each other and cleared up any misunderstandings between us both. It was lovely. It truly felt like an adult conversation. But the most significant moment was that I could tell that he still loved me. He admitted to me that he still had in his possession a card that I had given to him which I wrote a long text expressing my love for him. He still looks at it from time to time. Usually when you break up with someone you throw everything that reminds you of your ex in the X trash bin and light a fire! lol. Does he regret our failed loved? I think so. Do I regret our failed love? It is only natural to regret anything that has failed when so much effort was put into it. Does he still love me? I think so. Do I still love him? I love him as a friend, but no more than that.

You can still love your ex, but one must remember that love is never enough and an ex is X'd for a reason, no matter how much it hurts to do so.

If he had asked me to be with him again and give it another try (in this case it would have been our third try) I would have refused. Love is never enough.

What do you want?

In life there are needs and wants. Needs such as food, water and air are essential to life. Wants such as diamonds, designer sunglasses and so forth are not essential to life. However they are closely related to each other. One may need food, but one may not need to order pizza while there is already food (like a boring salad) in your fridge. But wants, not needs seems to take precedence in a lot of things.

Someone got my thinking. I want a lot of things in life. Happiness, good heath, good friends, a good partner, diamonds, designer sunglasses, a mansion! But can our pursuits of these wants prevent us from actually living life? Will these pursuits prevent us from taking the path life meant for us to be on? Our wants change over time. When you think you want something one day, you may just forget about it the next day. Our own goals and the goals of others that we may know can effect lives.

What do I want? I want to smile, laugh, kiss, hug, cuddle, eat, read marvelous books...I want to be happy. I think I might just go with the flow for a while and see where that takes me. I like mysteries...I like the mysteries of life. So lets see where I'll end up!

You are your worst enemy

Ever heard of the expression, "You are your worst enemy?" Sure, you think. But have you really thought, "Yes, I am." When you know that you are banned from eating that piece of chocolate cake because you are incredibly fat and you need to lose weight, you take a little nibble thinking no damage will be done. But oh no, a nibble is not enough....YOU MUST HAVE MORE! You then snatch the whole cake and stuff your face. Right there you have lost the battle between you and yourself. You are the loser. Loser!

So when you know and recognize things that are not right for yourself, you shouldn't do it. You shouldn't follow your old pattern because you know it is wrong. This is a trap that many fall into. For example, women fall for the jerks and in turn get jerked with. You break up with the jerk, but as soon as you turn around another one pops up from the ground like a gremlin! At first you think, "How cute!" But really, it is a snarling beast!

I must admit I have from time to time fallen for many gremlins. I had a friend who reminded me several times this week that I always seem to meet genuinely bad men. It made me angry at first that this fact was being rubbed into my face, but later realized that what she said was true. I needed to face this fact. So I have. So now I sit here, writing this blog entry contemplating ever trusting or dating anyone ever again. I say, if I were catholic and religious I would commit myself to a nunnery! So here I am, the victim, not the victor. I am my worst enemy. I don't think I would make a very good general in a battle. The enemy within will cause me to lose my battle.

Dating

Today someone asked me why I wasn't dating anyone. My response: *rolled eyes* its too stressful. Besides, I don't even feel comfortable with myself, so how am I gonna feel comfortable with someone else?...I gotta drop a few pounds! lol

The fact is that I've put myself out there so many times, that I'm sick of it. If someone wants me, they can get to know me and come and get me. I'm really not in the mood to be dicked around and get disappointed again and AGAIN! Story of my life DISAPPOINTMENTS. So much so that I've learned not to depend on anyone, not even those closest to me.

My good friend Sousou went on a date this last week. I was so happy and excited for. So happy, that I felt like I was living my life through her! lol It truly was the highlight of my weekend, but most of all hers. Turns out that her date went great. That too made me happy. She was so ecstatic about it. I have high hopes for her, because she's great and she deserves a good man and she's a good,no, an EXCELLENT gal. NOTE TO SOUSOU DATERS, IF YOU HURT HER YOU'LL GET IT. I MAY BE SMALL, BUT I'M CRAZY! lol. But to tell you the truth, if I was in her position, I would prob be annoyed and think to myself, "oh gawd, this will prob end up in a dead end, like all my dates! I should just let them know now that they're not getting any!" She was very nervous, like anyone would be. To re assure her I said, "Sousou! Look at me!" I was sitting on my sofa with a plate of two slices of pizza, a coke zero and a saucy chicken wing in my hand, "Seriously! Look at me in my sweats and my sad state! Now look at you! You're effin hot! Now go out there and rock this date! And if you're thinking, 'oh no, this might be a disaster' just think of me! I'm a disaster!" Then I took a bite out of my chicken wing and said, "Oh yeah, that was good!" lmfao.

I no longer date for the sake of dating. I'm a serious dater now. It must lead to something serious.

Laughter

My laugh is EPIC! If you've met me or know me, you'll know that my laugh is totally me. Really, I should trade mark it. If you are in the same building or on the same road as me, but not close to me, if I laugh, guaranteed you'll know its me! lol

My laugh is unique and it is a maker of who I am. What is yours? Does it make you feel good about yourself? You see, I always thought my laugh was loud and odd. But you know what? I've come to accept my awkward laugh, because whenever I laugh I am truly happy for that moment. Whenever people recognize and point out my laugh with a smile on their face and say, "I could hear you from all the way over there!" It makes me happy to know that my distinct yet odd laugh has brought a smile to their face.

Is It Okay to Feel This Way?

Does feeling sad okay?

Does feeling lonely okay?

Does feeling frustrated okay?

Does feeling disrespected okay?

Does feeling used okay?

Does feeling like an idiot okay?

Does feeling deceived okay?

Does feeling like no one understands you okay?

Does feeling like no one is there for you okay?

...and I'm sure you can add to this.

But you know what, all of these are okay to feel. They are just as normal as feeling hungry...its that simple. And a side note, ITS OKAY TO COMPLAIN! That too is just as normal as feeling hungry!

My Date with Jalapeño! Olay!

Tonight was such a memorable night. I went on a memorable date with Jalepeno Chips. We spent the whole night in bed, watching a movie...me eating him...omg that sounds awful! loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

Good times.

Waiting

I feel like I have nothing going on for me. Everyone else is settled in their lives, getting engaged, getting married, having babies, buying their homes. Me, I'm still where I was years ago; at university studying and still single, and going nowhere. What will happen after I graduate? Will I start working? Will I go to grad school? Will I be happy?

But you see, I've always pursued things in life and its gotten me nowhere. So I'm bored of pursing and now I wait...wait for something or someone to come into my life and change it. But all this waiting is boring! ...geesh I should be an alcoholic...lol

From Friend to Disappointing Jerk

People constantly come and go in your life. But they do not go from your memory. People either make a bad impression or a good impression. The ones that make good impressions are the ones whom you want to keep close to you. Why? Because you like them. They become your close friends and become a part of your life. You begin to hold them in high regard, believing that they are truly wonderful and normal folks.

But lets say you had a good friend or knew someone you respected and they did something totally disgusting that your stomach turned and you begin to to feel ashamed for associating yourself with that person. Then what? Well they obviously fall from that high place you've put them on.

I've met and known a few people who've I called friend, but later called jerk, loser, ass and much more filthier words. One is someone I considered one of my great loves, so much so that I still have feelings for him many years after we broke up. Lets call him Romeo. But when he made that transformation from friend to jerk, he fell from from that high place I put him on. Now he's a person who thinks having three girlfriends at the same time and then proudly boasting it to me is cool. I also recently found out that he's a creeper. He even once suggested that him and I could chill out in a hotel! WTF! Yeah I didn't see that coming.

Another one who has turn friend to jerk was someone I dated a while ago. Lets call this one Bay. We broke up on good terms and remained friends for a while, and for awhile I thought, "Hey, he's actually a good guy." This thought ended when he believed that it was okay to add one of my friends on facebook and start hitting on her! WHAT A CREEPER! As an attempt to clear up his gross actions he claimed that he was just trying to make new friends and that I was only angry at him because now I had an excuse to vent my bottled up anger towards him from our breakup! Could you believe that?! Not only is he a creeper, he was a very bad lier.

Like everything else in life, like disappointing jerks, come and go.

University of Piss Me Off

University could either be a wonderful experience...or it could be a bad experience. But what makes it a good experience? Studying what you're passionate about and wonderful professors. Through out my four year university study, I have only known a few university professors who are passionate educators. And by passionate, I mean they love their job and they want nothing but to see their students succeed. After all, their student's success is a reflection of their professor.

Sadly, there are some professors who are not passionate about their jobs. All they care about is their high and mighty position as God's gift to the academic world. And they almost alway forgot one thing: they they were once students too. You would think that they would understand what their students are going through (a heavy course load, stress, etc) However, I get the impression that they think that the world revolves around them and their course.

These "Sad" professors just bother me. When they believe that the world revolves around them they really do think that they're the hot shit. But wake up! YOUR WORLD REVOLVES AROUND YOUR STUDENTS! That is why they are educators, no?

Recently, like 15 minutes ago, I had gotten an email response from a professor about an independent study inquiry. I was professional in my email, but according to her unclear. Her response: RUDE! I'm not exaggerating! Her response, "Since I have no idea WHO you are or what you are majoring in, the answer is no! :-)" Seriously?! Lets break this down:

1)She doesn't even say, "Hello".

2)"Since I have no idea WHO you are..." WTF?! How about you ask you cunt! And what's up with capitalizing "WHO"?

3)"...the answer is no!"...well fuck you too! You are so rude!

4)":-)" Okay, from that emotion alone along with your rude response just implies that you're crazy!.

How unprofessional is that eh? Did these professors actually go to university? How the hell did they get so far in life? Aren't they supposed to be setting good examples in life?

My response, was very professional. I had informed of WHO I was and apologized for not providing her with the vital information of WHO I was. Thanked kindly told her that all I wanted to know was if she was available. Then I wished her all the best.

Geesh, she must be hungry...and obviously single!

Food is a good substitute for friends

Ever had one of those day where you've felt like you've had enough of everything and everyone? I believe the correct term is "Blah days." You've just had enough of all the crap going on and you feel so lonely and unloved. So what do you do? You turn to your friends for comfort. So there you are, giving them a ring-a-ding on the mobile (I said this out loud with a British accent...hehe) and NO ONE PICKS UP! Now you feel you've been trapped within a dark whole where your friends can't hear you and therefore will not be getting any TLC!

Bu you know what? Its all good. I know someone else who will always pick the phone when I call them...Pizza Pizza! Yummy!

Dreaming Of Love

Day dream about love.

Day dream about someone loving you.

Day dream every day,

About that feeling of love,

And about being in love.

Day dream about being loved.

Now wake up...

That's right you're still single!

Sucka...

I Just Got My Nails Did

I like having pretty nails. Dirty and unmanicured nails are ugly. If I saw that you had ugly nails I would immediately judge you! Haha, well I wouldn't be too harsh on you.

Why do I do my nails? Some may claim that it is because I'm a woman. Women should always strive to look good, no matter what. While I was in Jordan digging through earth and somehow living with my big and curly hair all out and scaring the local folk, I was determined to never falter in my physical appearance. My nails were always polished (clear), make up always done, hair somewhat under control (the absence of my flat iron caused grief of epic proportions) and I dressed pretty well considering the circumstances I was in.

But the question remains, why? I do it because for the simple fact that I like looking good as a person. And you know what, people do judge you on your appearance. When someone comes across someone looking shabby, they will definitely not look or even think of them the same way as when they come across a well maintained individual. That maintained person receives more respect, more attention and is more approachable.

Is this my shallowness speaking? Because if it is, I'm the last person on earth who is allowed to be shallow...its not like I have a smoking hot bod. But you know what, I have a pair of smoking hot nails! I'd rather re due my nails than catch my bus on time in the morning. Pft I wouldn't be caught dead on the bus with crap ass nails!

I'm One Step Ahead Of You!

What does it mean to be one step ahead of everyone else? Steps are always free, but what are the extra costs of taking extra steps to be a step ahead of everyone else?

My good friend Archie gave me an ultimatum one day, "either you go out or you can stay here in this study room for the rest of your life and always be one step ahead." This shock me to my core. I thought, "oh gawd I'm gonna be a geek just like this guy!" lol

Why do people always want to be a step ahead? There are many reasons why. Some want to be ahead in life. Some want to be better than others. Some want to be at the top of the game. But me, my reason, there is nothing better for me to do. I live life alone. No boyfriend, no family and no friends (or maybe not enough...that's sounds horrible). Sorry but that is how I feel. I hate that constant feeling of feeling alone and that is why I take that extra step, to numb the pain of being alone. I think people call that being a workaholic. I wake up at 7am and study until 10pm. All day long and as long as I can remember, I've always felt that I had to do things on my own with very little support or push or love. Maybe people don't like...I don't even think I like myself...

Okay, almost bedtime. I'm gonna study before I go to bed...in fact I'm going to study in bed!

Day 2 of UofT

Day 2 of classes. I've only attended three of five, that being intermediate Arabic, Beginner Farsi and the Islamic City. The other two are Media and Communications in the Middle East and the Taj Mahal. Day 2 and I'm already stressed out! I can feel my chest tighten and my breathing getting short. I'M FREAKING OUT!

Let me let you in on something, university studies is no child play. It's serious stuff! It will shaped your future, be that you are successful or fail during your university journey. Let me let you in on something else. University studies are not a walk in a park on a sunny warm day with cute little forest animals prancing about in tune with the harpist player that just magically appears to play in the middle of it. Oh no, it is more like a hike up a mountain with mountain lions who are the professors, snakes who are the back stabbing students who are snobbish and don't know how to help out a fellow student, the mountain man who takes all your money or even worse the his wife who lends you money and puts you $30,000.00 in debt (OSAP) and then the treacherous thunder and lightning storms that turn your world topsy turvy! However, like a hike up any mountain there are two aspects. The one I just described is what probably makes the university years the hardest and scariest time of one's life.

The second aspect is a somewhat better one. You make new friends, you enjoy some of your chosen classes, you party and much much more! For me the best part of university is meeting my fellow students and befriending them. They're great and I value them. And you know what I'm going to tell of them how I feel, now.

Khadjiah C-you are the sweetest girl I ever met! Plus your mom makes damn good pikoras!

Khadja F-I love your energy! I love talking to you, our conversations are always interesting!

Zahra-I admire your strength and stubbornness.

Leanna aka Levaughna!-our struggle in Arabic brought us close and I love your firerey presence.

Yancy-I saw you today and it brought a smile to my face to see you! You're so cute and so stylish when you're not covered in dirt! lol

Ridda-You are so chill and I appreciate you helping a retard in improving her Arabic! I owe you kanefe! But not before we visit Hakka!

Wesam-You're just genuinely a nice person and everybody loves you...except for me, I hate you! Bahaha nah I'm kidding! Just make sure to remind me when our essays are due! lol

Meghan-You're a knitting rock star! You must teach me your ways! AND you have the kindest heart ever!

Altug-You're appreciation for food only exceeds mine therefore making you the best person in the world! Turkish pizza?! Yummmmm

Lale-You're such an interesting person. AND not to mentioned smart as hell!

Arhaviz-I love your compositions!...and those arms *cough* lol

Hilola-I MISS YOU! WHERE ARE YOU! You're just a wonderful person and I am sure that you give no one cause to dislike you or say mean things about you...if there are tell me and I'll kick their butts!

Okay I have way too many friends...I know I'm so popular...LMAO! This is just a handful of people, but I love all of my friends. You all my make university experience wonderful. Thanks guys!

XOXO

Before My Life Ends...

*MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooaaaan*!.. *HUGE SIGH* Oh no...tomorrow I start my fourth and final year at the University of Toronto. From September until June my life will cease to exist. I am determined to rock my fourth year out. But in order for that to happen I will have to pull a disappearing act...POOF! But before my life ends for exactly nine months I enjoyed living a life.

This summer I've traveled, shopped and ate my way through Jordan, I ran five days a week since I got back from Jordan and lost all the weight I gained in Jordan, I hung out with beloved friends, had an on and off again relationship with Pizza and fell hopelessly in love with Hakka, and watched a shit load of TV shows such as Jersey Shore, Tabatha's Salon Takeover, Fashion Television and much, much more! I must say, I lived The Life! lol

At 10am tomorrow morning the "fabulous life of Tyechia" ends. Instead I'll be spending a fabulous time at Robarts studying my ass off, making frantic calls to George so he can help me improve my Arabic, and I am very sure that I will develop fabulous bags underneath my eyes from sleep deprivation. I can't forget to mention Facebook! My Facebook stalking will also be put on hold! lol Oh what a cruel life! What a cruel world! Wish me good luck in my self exile from the "normal" life!

Welcome To My Friday Night!

This Friday night I feel like staying in. I would love a glass of wine, but I'm laying off the alcohol. I would love a bag of my favourite chips (jalapeño and cheddar), but my weight loss goal prevents me from doing so. I would love to rent a movie, but there's nothing good to rent. You know what would be great? SLEEP. Sleep is always good...gawd I'm boring...Sleeping instead of boozing it up and waking up with a major hangover and a sense of bloatedness the following morning is definitely the wise and favoured choice.

Don't worry folks, I'm sure there will be a wild Friday night story coming up in the near future. It has to happen! School starts in about a week! School+stress=self intoxication!

If You Really Knew Me...

Do you like Jersey Shore? Fuck I do! At the moment it is the highlight in my life right now! lol Anyways...love the Situation btw...hehe. Anyways, I discovered a new MTV show called, "If You Really Knew ME" and it really touched me. Why? Because I saw a group of people drop their fortresses made of stone walls and expose to everyone they knew how they really felt behind their walls. They emerged from their hidden fortresses and laid all their shit bare. That's a pretty tough thing to do and very brave.

An important question was brought up, "Why don't people really express how they feel or let others know what's happening in their lives?" The answer: because of embaressment. People are scared of what others will think. Even worse, people are scared of being judged. There are reportably six billion people living on this planet. So right now as the 6th billion person I'm going to show you what is really going on in my head. Hopefully I will lead the other 5,999,999,99 people, that being my friends, family, even those whom I dislike, so that they can cross their draw bridges of their fortresses, just so we can all really get to know each other. Pft, we share the same planet after all! The population rate will only double very soon, might as well get closer.

So here I am, in my fortress...I'm letting down that draw bridge and I'm coming out! Here it goes: If you really knew me, you would know that I am not happy. If you really knew me, you would know that 90% of the time that I smile, it's forced. If you really knew me, you would know that I feel alone all the time. And I am fearful that I will be alone for the rest of my life. If you really knew me, you would know that my fancy looking fortress isn't so fancy inside. It's a mess because there is no light to help me get around and clean my shit up.

I want to make something clear. My family, my friends and the simple things in life...okay and the big things like big shinny jewelry, wacky shoes and my manicured nails do bring a smile to my face. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my shoes! But do I love my life or even myself? Can anyone truly be satisfied with themselves? Or are we just ungrateful and greedy people? I am I ungrateful and greedy? Or am I ambitious?

My One Night Stand! *GASP*

I was doing so well. I don't know what came over me. There he was, Pizza. As I was leaving the Museum with my friend Prince, there he was! Staring at me, undressing me with his eyes. He called my name..."Tyechia....Tyyyyyyyyy...I'm sooooo cheesy! Don't you miss me in your mouth?" LMAO! My heart rate went up, my pupils dilated. As I bit my lower lip an overpowering urge rushed through my heart and soul and it was there to stay! Prince was witnessing my internal struggle as I asked, "Should I...?" Prince then replied, "Tyechia, if you do this, you have to realize that this will be a one night stand. Don't expect Pizza to call you the next day!" He was speaking the painful truth. But I couldn't resist...I wanted him so badly...just a fix to keep me going!

As I entered Pizza's apartment, I suspected that I was not in for a quickie. Pizza then whispered into my ear, "How do you want it?" I then quickly replied, "OMG cheese, chicken and mushrooms!" I then took a single slow bite...my suspicions were confirmed...I would be there for a while. With every bite, with every chew, my tongue caressed every ingredient Pizza had to offer. I felt like I was in paradise. I didn't want it to end! Alas, it had to end...it was a sweet bitter goodbye. I knew Pizza was bad news, but who else would offer me such pleasure? My food pool was running out of options. That was until I met Hakka! That my friends is another crazy love story!

Friday Night

It never fails does it? Home again on a Friday night. Friends are either out or asleep or broke. I have no boyfriend to go out with or to hang out with at his place. That would be nice...chilling with a boyfriend on the couch, watching a movie with a few beers. Being bored with your boyfriend is better than being bored alone. Besides I'm sure there are plenty of things a boyfriend and a girlfriend can do together...then they wouldn't be so bored after all! LOL

I'm not even sad about my sad state anymore. I'm used to it. I'll just go read a book that way I'm doing something worth my time instead of wasting away in self pity.

What do you feel when you stare into the picture of the people you've dated?

Okay, so I've been facebook stalking again. lol I got bored a guess. While I was stalking I took a long look at someone I had previously dated. What were my feelings you ask? It as a mix of feelings. Embarrassment. Pity, for myself and for him. Disappointment. Then I began to ask, "What happened? What did I do? How did I ruin it?" At first I laid all the blame on me. Then I asked, "Were you ever sincere? Did all you want was ass? Did you know from the start that you were going to get a way out? Where you using me? Did it feel good, using me?" I laid the blame on him and saw him as an evil human being. How can one use and abuse others? How can people treat other people like that? How do they live? How do they go on to love other people and at the same time be loved by other people? When I think about this I then feel stupid for associating myself with such a person.

As I was stalking away I realized something...I can't let go of the past. I keep on going back and reminiscing about my past daters/loves. I seriously need to move on. They've had no thought for me, so why should I give up one more second of my life thinking of them?

I'm breaking up with Pizza :'(

Dear Pizza,

What we had was real good. We had nothing but good times together. When my taste buds call out to you my heart does not deny my fierce desire to pick up that phone and have you over my house. As you make your way towards my place in your chariot I call a red 1999 Toyota, my heart races with joy and my every heartbeat calls out your name, "Pizza! Pizza! Oh Pizza!" When you are finally in my arms I handle you with such delicate care as I place you on my table. I feel your burning desire radiating as I caress your box. As I gently open your box, your scent releases into the air and I sigh in great relief and pleasure. When I look upon your hot self I like what I see; chicken, tomatoes, feta cheese and green olives. As soon as you are revealed to me I can no longer hold myself back. I MUST HAVE YOU! Every bite that I take into you my whole body shivers with great pleasure and a tear of joy rolls down my right cheek. Oh my, you are soooo cheesy! I love cheese and lots of it! When we're done having our special moment, you've made me the happiest person in the world. No one can take the feeling away from me.

I'm sorry...but it has to end. It has to end before I turn into a whale! I know that you'll love me forever and my feelings for you are eternal as true love should be. BUT YOU'RE MAKING ME FAT! I know that you do not have the intention of making me unhappy, but me being fat is definitely not making me happy...and trust me, you want me happy.

So goodbye my heart, my love, my soul, my life, my reason for living. I am sure that our paths will meet again someday...when I'm a size 7.

Love,

Your slave

Hob...

Before my first kiss, before my first boyfriend, and on my 18th birthday I had something engraved into my flesh...something that would bring me much heartache, suffering and finally a great sense of defeat...Hob 'Love' in Arabic, was tattooed on my lower back. There I was finally 18, believing in love and believing in my future love. The very word brought up warm feelings. But slowly and surely it brought feelings of despair. So while on a trip to Chile, when I was 24, that's six years later, I had it covered with a bear claw. I detested the word so much that I would cover it with something that symbolizes something else. The bear, a strong, powerful and prideful beast...a symbolic strong figure hiding my old 'Love' tattoo...not so strong, not so powerful and definitely not a beast. More like a innocent lamb for the slaughter. Shredded and torn to pieces and bled to near death. But when I touch my lower back, I can still feel the outline of 'Love' upon my flesh...poor little lamb isn't dead yet. I still feel and I still love and I still want to be loved.

My top five list as to why Hob is missing from my life:

1-I'm fat

2-Unattractive

3-...I have a feeling I might be a little annoying...

4-I'm not at all funny or have anything interesting or witty to say...I'm boring

5-Because I've given up :(

I know, I know...but its not like I have self esteem issues. I'm damn smart! I know my shit and if I don't, well I can wing it!I am confident in what I do and when I want something, other than love, I go get it. I have a plan! I have a successful future. I dress well, I do my hair and nails and I'm wicked at makeup application!

But here I am, sitting on my bed and full of love to give. It's all bottled up and it exits my body via my eyes...my tears. Excepting my reality and moving onwards onto that road we call life. But that damn red and heart shaped traffic light will signal me to stop again in life, I am sure of it. I will experience more heartbreak and when that light turns green I will do what is most normal to me, move onwards. Ha! I should purchase an express pass and save myself the trouble of stopping.

Facebook Stalker!!

Come on, you know you have done it a million times. Admit it! You are a Facebook Stalker! The Urban Dictionary states this:

facebook stalker

108 up, 12 down

buy facebook stalker mugs, tshirts and magnets a person who spends large amounts of time on facebook looking at other people's profiles. often browsing photos, walls (or wall-to-walls), groups, or recent activity posted on the stalked person's mini-feed. "you are such a facebook stalker!" "i found out that sarah joined a group when i was facebook stalking her last night." "mikey is so hot, i think i'm gonna spend most of the night facebook stalking him looking at his pics." "did you see emily and jenny's wall-to-wall? they were totally talking about you behind your back!" facebook stalker stalk creeper creepy

Bahaha, you see that! We are creepers! Why do we do it? Why are we so obsessed with our friends, our enemies, ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends, and that person you you want so bad but you are too chicken shit to admit your feelings to them for fear of rejection? OH WHY YOU CRUEL WORLD?! I will tell you why. Because we have nothing better to do, but obsess about how great your friend's life is, how ugly your enemy looks in their profile picture, to see if your ex is still single and ponder 'what if we could have worked out?' or to see if that person you like likes anyone else or has recently updated their status to 'in a relationship' or even worse 'engaged.'

Instead of stalking someone's else's life, we should click that logout button in the far right top corner and concentrate on our own lives, our own drama and our own shit. Sure, I have stalked those I have dated and those whom I liked and still do like. But the time has come to put away my Facebook Stalker suit and spend my time on more important things...like my Arabic.

p.s.

You might wanna make sure you look good or even better, HOT, in your profile picture...just in case you are a victim of Facebook Stalking.

My Solution!

Have you ever thought, "Hey, I live in the best place in the world, TORONTO! There's so much to do here!" But really, you are just so darn bored all the time! Why is that? It is because we do the same things over and over and over and over and over again. Same cafes, same clubs, same spas, etc. That's probably why we are still single, our networking is slow or the great experiences we are supposed to be having are not coming to us. So I have a solution! Stop going to those same boring places! Go somewhere else like I did! Go to Center Island! lol My friend Sousou and I ventured out there today and found a quite place with a wicked view of the city and threw a blanket upon the ground. Upon this blanket layed fruits, nutella sandwiches, spicy tuna, cookies and diet coke! We read very interesting materials and chatted the afternoon away. It was so very great! Why? Because it was something new.

The funniest part of our day: I was reading a "hot and heavy" passage from cosmo magazine. Trust me, it was VERY hot, hehe. I was so into reading to her I totally did not notice the man standing behind us taking a photo of his wife, staring at us with a huge smirk on his face! loool I was so embarrassed. When I stopped, he said with his perverted smirk glued to his face, "Go on, keep reading!" lol oh so funny. Most definitely not a boring day!

Back from Jordan and getting bored

Well folks the light in your life is back! I just spent six long weeks in Madaba, Jordan on an archaeological dig. It was part of a summer abroad program through my university. Myself and twenty-nine other supervisors and students slaved five days a week, from 5:30am until 1:00pm on top of a hill or tell, digging and plowing through intolerable earth, smashing massive rocks, battling evil bugs and getting darker all for two reasons; one, to earn a full year university credit and two, playing Indiana Jones and discovering ancient artifacts. It was a once in a lifetime experience. For some this experience will come again. However for others, like myself, it will not come again...I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT! Archaeology is not for me. It is very hard and dirty work. I most certainly respect and highly admire archaeologists, however its something I would not look forward to. A museum career is what I look forward to. It is very clean!

Now that I am back home, and recovering from jet lag, I slowly find myself unmotivated to do anything. My Arabic sucks (something I found out in Jordan) and I would like to read up on subjects regarding Arabic, Islamic art, Egyptian Art, The Prince, Herodotus, etc. But the T.V. has seduced me and I cannot escape! So I slowly find myself getting bored...T.V. is boring...it is a waste of time, unless it is a documentary. Bah! Well, it is 8pm and its too late for me to really get started on anything. So I have about another three/four hours of nothing to do...except twiddle my thumbs in front of the T.V. in boredom.

The "S" Word

Single...yes...sadly...gladly? For some, the S word is a bad word. Why is it a bad word? Single is a bad word when you've been on a dating spree forever and still remain single. Its a bad word when others have toyed with your feelings...sick bastards...Its a bad word when you've given up because the scars from being hurt so many times cannot heal. Its a bad word when you've accepted your doomed fate to be alone FOREVER!...maybe it is not so bad after all...maybe...gladly!

Emotional Eater

Hello, my name is Ty and I am an emotional eater! Sounds like a AA meeting eh? Food is my obsession and yes from time to time, I do need an intervention. Usually when I'm super stressed out I bite my nails (um tasty) and make a run to the corner store and buy my favourite bag of chips (jalapeño and cheddar). Or if I'm stuck, I'll rummage through my kitchen and eat the whole jar of nutella! lol

But right now I'm not just stressed, I VERY stressed. Its crunch time at school. I'm behind on my readings, I have two exams next week, film responses and an essay that's due tomorrow. My good friend Sousou is helping me out on my essay since I suck at writing them so that automatically makes her the best person in the world and a bag a chips! Under normal circumstances I would be in my room, door close and all to hide my shame and devour a bag of chips! lol But I'm so stressed out that if I eat anything I'll throw up! Its times like this when food does not hold a special place in my stomach...because my stomach will kick it out!

University of Piss Me Off

Here I am sitting in my Muslims and Jews class and the professor is going on and on about something that is irrelevant to at the moment...what's a madhhab?! lol Ugh I really could care less about the school of law and legal discussions within Jewish and Muslim traditions. See! Its stuff like this that really errks me because I have no idea of what he's talking about and that must mean that what he is saying doesn't interest me...waste of my time and brain space.

Do you know what else inspires such gross feelings of interest?! Intolerable teaching assistants and inconsiderable fellow students! If none of you can't already tell, but my grammar is pretty bad. My essays are even worse! So when my own native community sponsors and pays for my education, I intend to do them proud and receive high marks. I go out of my way to improve my essay writing. So that brings us to the question, which I nearly asked my T.A. but didn't "So what do you do?" Aren't T.A.s there not only to assist our professors but to assist the professor in assisting his students? So if I have a question regarding my essay or request essay guidance, I EXPECT to get my money's worth and have my concerns addressed. However, I was refused help! The T.A. refused to even look or make sure that I was on the right track of my introduction and thesis! HOW DARE SHE?! Its not my fault that her massive breasts obstruct her view from reading my work! lol okay yes that was quit mean...BUT STILL. I wasn't asking for specifics, but rather just make sure that I actually have a thesis! ugh! Whatever! I don't need her. I'll ask someone else whom does not get paid and will help out of the goodness of their heart, rather than someone who gets paid for nothing.

As my good friend Mr. T told me today, some university students are stupid and rude and think they can get away with anything. Its true, you can get away with a lot of things at university...wikipedia anyone? You know what I mean! But there are some things that students cannot get away with. Like, not showing up for class but trying to get someone else you hardly know to sign you in on the attendance sheet. Who's looking to get in trouble? Pft, NOT ME! Even better, once I had a fellow student asked me to send her one of my old Islamic history essays because she didn't have the time to write one up. Could you believe that?! OUTRAGEOUS! If i have to show up and suffer in class, so does everyone else! If I have to spend sleepless and stressful days writing an essay, which I suck at doing, so will everyone else! And you know what's funny? These type of people actually get away with stuff like this! ugh!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Rant done...I'm in such a bitchy mood today...maybe its because I'm hungry.

Ta darling, ta!

...yes I know its Saturday night and I am well aware of the fact that I am home on a Saturday night

Hello mortals! Welcome to my blog! Allow me the pleasure to show you around. In front of you are the words describing the life of a single 26 year old university student.

Now if you read on, you will discover that apart from being single, I am very bored and writing this welcoming note to you instead of working on my International Relations of the Middle East two page film response, proves that I would much rather write something funny, witty and DRAMATIC, than write about the UN 181 resolution that partitioned Palestine.

Hungry? YES! Food? YES PLEASE! Fat? YES! But I'm working on that. However that does not defeat the set in stone fact that I LOVE FOOD, especially pizza...if I lived alone I would most definitely order in Pizza Pizza with green olives, chicken and pepperoni right now...BUT NO! I refuse! I am determined to get back to my old weight of 15olbs and then eventually get down to 125lbs. If you can't already tell, I do experience a great internal conflict when it comes to food. Its like a bad boyfriend, you hate him because he's such a jerk to your body, but you always go back for more! Its an obsession!

Now I can't be the only one who feels the same way I do. There has to be more wonderful people like me out there who spend their Saturday nights doing nothing. So show yourself and read my blog and if you like, share your thoughts!