Dating

Today someone asked me why I wasn't dating anyone. My response: *rolled eyes* its too stressful. Besides, I don't even feel comfortable with myself, so how am I gonna feel comfortable with someone else?...I gotta drop a few pounds! lol

The fact is that I've put myself out there so many times, that I'm sick of it. If someone wants me, they can get to know me and come and get me. I'm really not in the mood to be dicked around and get disappointed again and AGAIN! Story of my life DISAPPOINTMENTS. So much so that I've learned not to depend on anyone, not even those closest to me.

My good friend Sousou went on a date this last week. I was so happy and excited for. So happy, that I felt like I was living my life through her! lol It truly was the highlight of my weekend, but most of all hers. Turns out that her date went great. That too made me happy. She was so ecstatic about it. I have high hopes for her, because she's great and she deserves a good man and she's a good,no, an EXCELLENT gal. NOTE TO SOUSOU DATERS, IF YOU HURT HER YOU'LL GET IT. I MAY BE SMALL, BUT I'M CRAZY! lol. But to tell you the truth, if I was in her position, I would prob be annoyed and think to myself, "oh gawd, this will prob end up in a dead end, like all my dates! I should just let them know now that they're not getting any!" She was very nervous, like anyone would be. To re assure her I said, "Sousou! Look at me!" I was sitting on my sofa with a plate of two slices of pizza, a coke zero and a saucy chicken wing in my hand, "Seriously! Look at me in my sweats and my sad state! Now look at you! You're effin hot! Now go out there and rock this date! And if you're thinking, 'oh no, this might be a disaster' just think of me! I'm a disaster!" Then I took a bite out of my chicken wing and said, "Oh yeah, that was good!" lmfao.

I no longer date for the sake of dating. I'm a serious dater now. It must lead to something serious.

Laughter

My laugh is EPIC! If you've met me or know me, you'll know that my laugh is totally me. Really, I should trade mark it. If you are in the same building or on the same road as me, but not close to me, if I laugh, guaranteed you'll know its me! lol

My laugh is unique and it is a maker of who I am. What is yours? Does it make you feel good about yourself? You see, I always thought my laugh was loud and odd. But you know what? I've come to accept my awkward laugh, because whenever I laugh I am truly happy for that moment. Whenever people recognize and point out my laugh with a smile on their face and say, "I could hear you from all the way over there!" It makes me happy to know that my distinct yet odd laugh has brought a smile to their face.

Is It Okay to Feel This Way?

Does feeling sad okay?

Does feeling lonely okay?

Does feeling frustrated okay?

Does feeling disrespected okay?

Does feeling used okay?

Does feeling like an idiot okay?

Does feeling deceived okay?

Does feeling like no one understands you okay?

Does feeling like no one is there for you okay?

...and I'm sure you can add to this.

But you know what, all of these are okay to feel. They are just as normal as feeling hungry...its that simple. And a side note, ITS OKAY TO COMPLAIN! That too is just as normal as feeling hungry!

My Date with Jalapeño! Olay!

Tonight was such a memorable night. I went on a memorable date with Jalepeno Chips. We spent the whole night in bed, watching a movie...me eating him...omg that sounds awful! loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

Good times.

Waiting

I feel like I have nothing going on for me. Everyone else is settled in their lives, getting engaged, getting married, having babies, buying their homes. Me, I'm still where I was years ago; at university studying and still single, and going nowhere. What will happen after I graduate? Will I start working? Will I go to grad school? Will I be happy?

But you see, I've always pursued things in life and its gotten me nowhere. So I'm bored of pursing and now I wait...wait for something or someone to come into my life and change it. But all this waiting is boring! ...geesh I should be an alcoholic...lol

From Friend to Disappointing Jerk

People constantly come and go in your life. But they do not go from your memory. People either make a bad impression or a good impression. The ones that make good impressions are the ones whom you want to keep close to you. Why? Because you like them. They become your close friends and become a part of your life. You begin to hold them in high regard, believing that they are truly wonderful and normal folks.

But lets say you had a good friend or knew someone you respected and they did something totally disgusting that your stomach turned and you begin to to feel ashamed for associating yourself with that person. Then what? Well they obviously fall from that high place you've put them on.

I've met and known a few people who've I called friend, but later called jerk, loser, ass and much more filthier words. One is someone I considered one of my great loves, so much so that I still have feelings for him many years after we broke up. Lets call him Romeo. But when he made that transformation from friend to jerk, he fell from from that high place I put him on. Now he's a person who thinks having three girlfriends at the same time and then proudly boasting it to me is cool. I also recently found out that he's a creeper. He even once suggested that him and I could chill out in a hotel! WTF! Yeah I didn't see that coming.

Another one who has turn friend to jerk was someone I dated a while ago. Lets call this one Bay. We broke up on good terms and remained friends for a while, and for awhile I thought, "Hey, he's actually a good guy." This thought ended when he believed that it was okay to add one of my friends on facebook and start hitting on her! WHAT A CREEPER! As an attempt to clear up his gross actions he claimed that he was just trying to make new friends and that I was only angry at him because now I had an excuse to vent my bottled up anger towards him from our breakup! Could you believe that?! Not only is he a creeper, he was a very bad lier.

Like everything else in life, like disappointing jerks, come and go.